


You Can Hear It (In the Silence)

by seekrest



Series: The Secret Sessions [9]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Identity Reveal, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, POV Michelle Jones, Peter and MJ have a hard time™️, Slow Burn, but they have each other, its just me and my whims now, this is one of the most self-indulgent fics I’ve ever done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:55:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24263962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekrest/pseuds/seekrest
Summary: Michelle sighs, feeling her shoulders sag as she walked across the shelter floor only to pause when someone calls out, “MJ?”She freezes, hearing a nickname she hadn’t used in years from a voice that sounds eerily familiar - only to confirm it when she turns around and sees him, the surprised smile on her face before she could stop it.“Peter?”
Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Series: The Secret Sessions [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1537501
Comments: 30
Kudos: 112
Collections: Spideychelle Week 2020





	1. One Look, Dark Room

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Your Hand in Mine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22134508) by [seekrest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekrest/pseuds/seekrest). 



> So. I wrote a fic called [Your Hand in Mine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22134508/chapters/52832185) that was an IW rewrite in several ways - namely that Peter is older when the snap happens and survives it.
> 
> However originally, that fic was inspired by this song... an idea in my head of finding love in the literal apocalypse - one that I could not rightfully explore in that fic because of literally everything else™️
> 
> Ergo: this fic. YHIM but in MJ’s POV - a companion piece and a sequel all in one. I tried to make it a one-shot but because of who I am as a person... it is not.
> 
> :)
> 
> Song Inspo: You Are In Love, _1989_ (2014)

“You really think this is gonna work?” Noor asks, Michelle nodding as she pins up the backdrop. 

“I think they need a distraction,” she says plainly, catching the frown on Noor’s face out of the corner of her eye, “And having them all sit around to talk about their _feelings_ right now is bullshit.”

“ _Michelle_ ,” Noor whispers, “They could hear you.”

Michelle glances over her shoulders to Noor, pointedly looking towards the group of kids a few feet away from them as she says, “I think they can handle a few curse words.”

Noor’s frown just deepens before she lets out an exasperated sigh, Michelle knowing that it was likely born out of exhaustion more than anything else as she says, “You’re the one running the show.”

A flutter of something almost like pride flutters in her chest at that, recognizing that it’s a ridiculous sentiment that shouldn’t give her as much joy as it does considering the circumstances. But Noor _was_ right, Michelle was the one in charge for this particular event - bringing her attention back to the backdrop as Noor walks over the other side, helping her tack it up.

It wasn’t her best work, Michelle thinks - ignoring the shading that she could’ve done a better job with and focusing instead on the task at hand, the chance that a play would actually give them a chance to do something different today compared to all the stories she’d already heard. 

“There. Done. Now what?” Noor asks, Michelle leaning back and admiring their handiwork.

She smiles, glancing to Noor before she says, “Now we try and come up with a play.”

* * *

Michelle rubs her temple, trying to shake away the headache that was threatening to form as she walked towards the kitchen.

The play, if she could even call it that, was a relative success - the kids throwing themselves into it with more excitement than she’d thought possible. Family law wasn’t something she was ever interested in, just as her experience with kids was limited.

But just as anything with life after the snap - they all had to adjust. 

It was funny in some cosmic sense, the one age group that Michelle had never wanted to really be around being the very one she ended up getting paired with. It was chaos, trying to finish out a law degree in a time where even people who had been practicing for years had no idea of what to do. 

There was no precedent for half the universe being blipped out of existence, something that Michelle didn’t like to dwell on despite the line of work that she was in. It was horrifically unfair in any sense, but especially for the kind of stories that she had to hear from the kids she worked with. 

Stories of wonderful parents who had been blipped only to leave them with horrible ones, runaways who didn’t have anyone to call family and an overtaxed system that had no way of finding out where they should go to begin with.

Custody battles were difficult to begin with but with everything in the blip, everything was made _that_ much more terrible.

Michelle sighed, feeling her shoulders sag as she walked across the shelter floor only to pause when someone calls out, “MJ?”

She freezes, hearing a nickname she hadn’t used in years from a voice that sounds eerily familiar - only to confirm it when she turns around and sees him, the surprised smile on her face before she could stop it.

Peter rushes forward, his hands half-extended as if he was going for a hug only to pause - bringing them back down awkwardly. Michelle would laugh if not for how surprised he seemed, not only in seeing her but at his instinctual reaction.

“Hey,” she says, watching as he smiles back and stammers out, ““Hey. Hi. It’s-- it’s been a long time.” 

Michelle allows herself to smile even wider at that, glad that even if everything in the universe had changed overnight that at least some things stayed the same - Peter Parker’s awkwardness being chief among them. 

“Yeah, I’d ask how you’re doing but,” she gestures towards the room. “I think that’s kinda obvious.”

Peter presses his lips together before asking, “You work here? Volunteer or…?”

Michelle nods, shrugging her shoulders as she says, “Sort of. I rotate depending on the week. I was in law school. Before.”

“And now?”

Michelle lets out the laugh before she can stop it, a rush of bitterness flowing through her as she says, “Well when half the campus disappears and the world feels like it’s ending, it’s kind of hard to focus on classes.” 

She shakes her head, hating how she’s coming across as she says, “I mean, I still am. In law school, it’s just a lot more disorganized. “I’m supposed to be in my third year. It’s kind of pointless anyway so I’m using this as my pro bono credits.”

Peter looks confused but interested, despite Michelle feeling more like her teenage self who’d been incapable of communicating with another person as he asks, “This?”

“Helping. With the kids.” Michelle gestures towards where the group of them were, all now preoccupied with some movie playing attached to an old television. “All the legal bullshit that comes with fostering and adoption is even more complicated now.”

She says, feeling the weight of everything she was thinking just moments before slip as she says, ““Family law isn’t even what I wanted to do, you know before but,” she brings a hand down, meeting Peter’s eyes. “I have to help.”

“Are you even allowed to? I mean as a student still? I don’t know any of that works.”

He sounds sincere but there’s a hint of teasing in it, reminding Michelle of how they’d go back and forth in their decathlon meetings way back when. 

She rolls her eyes and replies, “I’m not the one technically doing all of it but it helps to have an extra set of hands. If anything just to distract the kids while my supervisor asks the other ones questions. Plus,” she shrugs, pointing towards the area again, “I get to sketch again which is fun.” 

Peter laughs, “I knew the background looked familiar. Was that you?”

Michelle blinks a few times, not even bothering to hide the smile on her face at the realization that Peter remembered that she used to draw, much less remembered enough of her work that he could pick up on her style all these years later. 

They weren’t friends back in high school, at least not friends in any conventional sense. They hung out because of decathlon mostly, but never really outside of it - Michelle knowing it had in large part to do with the recognition of the secret Peter had that he’d never shared. 

It was blindingly obvious to anyone who would pay attention that something more was going on with Peter Parker in high school - the jokes about his internship with Stark Industries seemingly being less of a joke and more of a cover for something more considering how many times a black and expensive looking Audi would pick him up after school.

But people were wildly unobservant, unlike Michelle - even if she wondered how anyone could’ve missed Peter and Ned’s whispers back and forth. 

She’d never cornered him about it, figuring that if he wanted to tell her that he would - guessing from the odd way that Ned would question Peter in class that even _he_ hadn’t found out till sometime after the fact. 

Michelle knew what it was like to have secrets that you didn’t want to tell anyone, a whole world hidden behind the meticulous walls she put up to prevent people from coming too close. The consequence of this was that when they graduated, they lost touch - Michelle throwing herself into her life and friends in college unlike she ever had in high school.

College had been a time for reinvention for Michelle, in a way that made her almost regret how prickly she’d been when she was younger. It was nice, in a weird way - considering the messed up state of the world - to see someone _good_ from a time when in her life had felt anything but. 

“Yeah, that was me,” she finally says, pushing some hair behind her ear, “I can’t believe you remember that.” 

Peter rubs the back of his neck before saying, “How could I forget? You sketched people in crisis remember? Hard to forget your art style when you drew so much about me.” 

“Well you were a mess, Peter. But it looks like now that you’ve got your shit together.” She looks at him up down, catching Peter’s eye roll as she continues, “Mostly, anyway.”

“Glad to know I have your approval now,” Peter bounces back. 

“You never needed it.” Michelle says matter-of-factly, thinking back to how it’d felt when she’d first figured out his secret, “But good to know you’ve come to your senses.”

Peter laughs, bringing his hand down as he shoves his hands in his pockets, smiling back at her.

There’s something heavy about him, something in the way his eyes look that reminds her so much of what he’d looked like in the first few months that he’d become Spider-Man - recognizing the difference from how he’d been when Ned had found out

It was as if something was weighing on him, something Michelle knows is ridiculous to think about since _everyone_ was walking through various waves of grief. But she’s a different person than she was in high school, less inclined to leave people to their own devices - _especially_ because she could recognize how much people need each other now more than ever. 

“You doing okay?” Shee asks, Peter blinking a few times before she shakes her head, “I know, none of us are. But still… did you… is there anyone—“

Peter seems to catch on to her meaning. “May. She’s— she’s good. Here actually, helping out. She’ll be glad that you’re, you know.” 

Michelle’s relieved to hear that, remembering how good May had been to her in high school - a kind if not distant presence, when Peter asks, “And you?” 

She’s caught off guard at that, pursing her lips before saying, “Just me. My dad, he uh. He’s gone. He never was really around anyway but—“

“I’m sorry.” Peter says, Michelle interrupting him as she says, “Don’t be. It’s not really any different.” 

Peter’s expression falls at that, Michelle hating how she sounded. 

Her dad wasn’t anyone to mourn over, terrible in so much that he seemed to have forgotten that he had a daughter even when he was alive. And now that he was dusted, it shouldn’t have mattered.

Yet it did, something that Michelle hadn’t realized she would miss - considering what he’d been like when he was alive. She pushes that away, glancing around the room as she says, “I’d love to see May though. She was always—“ Michelle stops herself, quiet for a beat before saying, “She was nice to me. I’m glad you’re not— that you still have her.”

The smile on Peter’s face is genuine when he says, “Me too. Come on, I think she’s in the kitchen. Not cooking,” Peter laughs, “Organizing stuff in the pantry I think?”

Peter turns, Michelle quietly following behind him as they start to walk towards the kitchen. 

Of all the people Michelle could’ve expected to have seen today - or any day - it wouldn’t have been Peter, knowing he hadn’t been snapped from the publization of him inheriting SI in the wake of Tony Stark’s disappearance.

If she’d had any doubts that Peter was Spider-Man, they were thrown away just as quickly when she saw him in the streets and in the news - throwing himself into the cleanup just as she’d always expected he would.

It was odd, seeing him - now so many years after they had last. She’d moved back to the city for grad school and yet hadn’t thought to reach out to any high school friends, guessing that some things were better left in the past.

Yet as she walked in step with him, sneaking a glance to him only for him to catch her in the act - Michelle couldn’t help but feel a twinge of something warm in her chest. 

It was nice, seeing Peter Parker again. 

Despite everything, Michelle couldn’t help but be glad for it. 

* * *

Michelle pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to ignore the pounding headache that was threatening to form.

“I don’t _want_ to talk anymore,” Maria said, folding her arms together and pouting like the five year old she was.

 _Me neither, kid_ , Michelle thinks but doesn’t say, instead putting on a fake smile and saying, “What if we don’t talk but we just draw some pictures instead?”

Maria frowns at that, looking at Michelle up and down. “I don’t have any colors.”

Michelle’s smile is fake but she hopes it comes across as genuine, opening up her backpack as she says, “Well I did. What do you think I should draw?”

Maria looks vaguely interested, forgetting that she was supposed to be throwing a tantrum as she says, “Do you know how to draw puppies?”

Michelle nods, grabbing her sketch pad and some colored pencils - drawing out an outline of a dog that she learned years and years ago on the internet. 

Maria goes from annoyed to fascinated, scooching over to where Michelle is as she leans over her shoulder. 

“It’s a puppy!”

“Yep,” Michelle says, “but I think I messed up his ear. You wanna try?”

Maria looks at the pencil that she extends before glancing up - eyes searching her face when she says, “I don’t want to break your pencil.”

“You won’t,” Michelle says with a certainty that she knows isn’t there, “why don’t you try and I’ll watch, just in case.”

Michelle winks at that, Maria smiling as she takes the pencil in her hand. Michelle gives her the sketch pad - both of the tools cheap and not worth saving to begin with, her _real_ tools back at her apartment. 

But it’s enough to suffice Maria, Michelle being glad for it as she quietly works. After a few minutes, Michelle goes to stand - Maria glancing up in terror.

“Are you leaving?”

“Just going to get something to drink,” Michelle says with a smile she hopes is comforting, “do you want some juice?”

Maria stares before nodding a few times, Michelle taking that as the opportunity to walk towards the beverage table only to smile when she sees who’s already there.

She’d seen Peter a few times since that first meeting, that semi-awkward walk home still reverberating in her memories. It wasn’t until then that Michelle realized how truly _alone_ she had been since the snap, the majority of her law class having been dusted and any friends she did have long gone or lost touch.

Had it not been for her chance encounter with Peter, Michelle thinks - she’s not sure she would’ve seen anyone close to her own age for a while. 

She walks up to him, watching him take a sip of the shelter coffee before asking, “You doing okay?” 

He turns to her, smiling at her as if he didn’t have a care in the world - the massive bags under his eyes telling a completely different story as she says, “You know that shit’s terrible?”

Peter laughs, looking down at it and then back to her. “It is, but gotta figure out a way to stay awake somehow.”

Michelle smirks, glancing around to the shelter - a comfortable silence falling between them for a moment. 

For as exhausting as working with the kids had been, it was almost over - for this shelter at least, being moved to another where she’d likely be dealing with seniors who were no longer capable of making decisions for themselves.

It was a mess, in more ways than one - but Michelle was glad at least that she had someone to vent to about it now, May being just as warm and as welcoming as she had been the few times she’d ever interacted with in high school.

It was embarrassing in a sense, connecting with her old high school crushes aunt during the end of the world. But considering how starved she was for contact that wasn’t legally mandated, Michelle couldn’t really bring herself to care about weirdness. 

In high school, being alone had felt second nature - something she wished she could have more. Now, with half the world’s population dusted and gone - being alone didn’t have nearly the same appeal that it used to. 

“Yeah but at what cost?” She finally replies, Peter smirking before taking a sip of the terrible coffee once more. 

He makes a face, Michelle barely holding back a laugh before he says, “You’re right. Definitely not one of my better decisions.”

Michelle shrugs, folding her arms together, “Course I’m right. I always am.”

“Are you now?” Peter asks, setting the coffee back down on the table and folding his own arms - jokingly mocking her stance as she rolls her eyes.

“I know this is a weird sensation for you, Peter, being a dumbass and all, but there’s people out there who are a lot more observant than you are.”

“I don’t know, MJ.” Peter shakes his head. “A lot’s changed since high school.”

The comfortable banter turns awkward for a beat, Michelle wishing now that she’d had the chance to confront Peter about the truth of his identity years ago - something she never really wanted to do _before_. Yet seeing the look in his eyes, the exhaustion and something Michelle couldn’t put a finger on in his expression - it was unbearable, an unexplainable desire to let him know that he wasn’t alone.

That someone else knew what he was going through too. 

She hadn’t seen his face under the mask, the day she saw him after the Avengers disastrous press conference. But it had been written all over his face when he’d walked in, wondering how in the world no one put two and two together that Spider-Man was seen by their shelter and for Peter Parker to walk in a few minutes later.

But then Michelle thinks, people didn’t really notice anyone beyond themselves on a good day - much less during the alleged end of the world. 

It hits her again, that for how lonely she might feel now - a sensation she never really expected - that Peter must feel it that much worse, looking as if he held the world on his shoulders more than he had even when they were sixteen.

It’s what prompts her to whisper so softly that had it not been for the powers she can only guess that he has, she would’ve thought he couldn’t hear her as she says, “But you haven’t. I don’t know how you do it.”

“Do what?” Peter asks, looking a little confused as he unfurls his arms. 

“Still be… be you, even with all of this,” Michelle says, uncrossing her own arms as her shoulders sag. “You’re right, a lot’s changed since high school. The whole world got fucking thrown into chaos by some idiot with a god complex. And yet here you are. Still working as hard as you can for everyone, cracking jokes about bad coffee.” 

_Dealing with bullshit as Peter Parker, when I know you suit up and deal with even more as Spider-Man,_ she thinks but doesn’t say, Peter frowning before he shakes his head. 

“You’re doing the same, MJ. You’re here helping _kids_ , kids who are alone in the world.” Peter bites his lip, a haunted expression on his face before it shifts as he says, “And yet you’re still you. And if you think I’m not seriously fucked up right now, then you’re not nearly as observant as you think you are.”

Michelle blinks then lets out a sharp laugh, seeing Peter smile as she shakes her head, putting her head in her hand and saying, “God, we really are a mess huh?” 

“Yeah maybe,” Peter says with a sigh, “But nowadays, who isn’t?” 

Michelle smiles at that, going to say something else only to hear her name being called - looking to where Maria was.

She was done with her picture, or so it seemed - waving the sketchpad around and gesturing wildly towards Michelle.

“Looks like duty calls,” Peter says jokingly, Michelle smiling at him as she looks back.

“Don’t work so hard right, Parker?”

Peter just smirks, shaking his head, “Wouldn’t dream of it, MJ.”

Michelle smiles again before walking towards Maria, mulling over Peter’s words and the look on his face.

She doubted that he’d ever take it easy - knowing where she did not only of who Peter had been in high school but what he was now, working for SI by day and still managing to suit up as Spider-Man enough that people took notice.

Michelle wondered if he ever slept - all things considered, though she knew she wasn’t in any place to judge him since her own sleeping schedule had been fucked up long before the snap. 

She pushes that thought away for the moment, focusing instead on the dinner invitation that May had extended to her - one she wanted to take but wasn’t sure if she should.

Yet seeing Peter today reminded her that for as messed up as the two of them were, that there was no reason for Michelle to continue to isolate herself too.

She smiles, looking at Maria who beams at her as she says, “Look, I made a puppy!”

“You did, it looks great,” Michelle says, only for something in her chest to twinge when Maria says, “My mommy said I could have a puppy.”

“Oh yeah?” Michelle asks softly, sitting back down beside her. 

Maria nods, Michelle hating that this is how she had to find out the tragic stories of the kids she worked with but glad in some way that it worked all the same.

“Mommy’s not here anymore.”

“I know,” Michelle says, tilting her head.

There wasn’t really anything she could say or do to make it better, the loss of her own mother when she was younger hurting her in ways that she still felt she was trying to uncover.

“But you know, you could draw a picture of your mommy with the puppy if you want,” Michelle says, swallowing down the lump in her throat as she forces a smile. 

“Like all of us together?” Maria asks, Michelle nodding.

“Yeah, exactly,” she says, glancing up across the room to see Peter still staring off across the shelter.

“All of us together.”


	2. Time Moved Too Fast

There are a lot of ways that Michelle had guessed how and when Peter would finally reveal the truth of Spider-Man to her. She’d fantasized about it a lot when she was younger - cornering him after school, catching him in the aftermath of some big event or even casually joking with him in the Spider-Man suit, seeing him around the city.

But the first time that Spider-Man had _actually_ saved her from something - one random night their junior year when Michelle had been a little too into a book she was returning to the library - she’d frozen up, barely getting the chance to tell him thank you before he swung away.

When she’d left the city for Harvard, Michelle had guessed that that would be the end of it - all of them saying they’d keep in touch knowing full well that she never had plans to do so. 

College was a time of reinvention - moving forward and away from the dad who wasn’t much of a dad to begin with and a city that was filled with ghosts long before the unimaginable had happened. 

Moving back to the city for law school, meeting Peter and slowly developing a friendship with him - a friendship that in the last few weeks had felt less than _friendly_ \- it was the exact kind of scenario that she’d always daydreamed she’d be capable of doing when she was younger. 

In her wildest daydreams, Peter would tell her he was Spider-Man willingly - a sign that he trusted her enough to actually share that with her.

Michelle smiled to herself, glancing at the television as she waited for him in his empty apartment - wondering in a twisted way if this actually counts.

The expression on Peter’s face when she told him to leave because of the sirens was priceless, fingers itching now against her thigh at how badly she wanted to sketch it - commit it to memory as she tried to ignore the impulse, considering how creepy that would be.

She’s glad for it when she hears the window slide open and Peter drop in, turning the television off as Peter rips off his mask and slides the window back down. 

They stare at each other for a second - Michelle taking in the reality that she was _right_ , smirking before saying, “I told you, Parker.”

“Huh?” He says, Peter standing up a little straighter as he wrings his mask in his hand.

“I’m always right.” Michelle says, smiling as Peter laughs - moving to the couch as she turns to face him. 

“How long have you—“

“Freshman year.” A beat. “Of high school.”

Peter’s eyes widen, Michelle watching in amusement as he stammers, “Freshman-- I got _bit_ freshman year.” 

Michelle laughs again, “Yeah, I know. No one leaves school because of the flu and comes back with biceps like yours, Peter.” 

She watches as Peter blinks before nodding his head, pursing his lips. “Yeah, I guess-- I guess that makes sense.”

“But wait, back up. So you did get bit?” Michelle asks, excited now that she could finally pick his brain in a way she never could before, “At the Oscorp field trip? I only guessed it was one of those spiders from the exhibit because of the whole,” she gestures vaguely toward his suit, “spider thing but I wasn’t sure.”

Peter laughs, shaking his head. “Yeah, I-- wait,” he blinks a few times, searching her face. “You knew about this this whole time? Literally for what,” Peter lets out a huff in disbelief, “ten years? Longer?” 

Michelle shrugs, trying to be casual even if she feels anything but as she says, “I was really only like sixty-seven percent sure until college.” 

” _College_?” Peter asks incredulously, Michelle nodding her head. 

“Yeah, after you skipped out on MIT with Ned to stay in the city it just kinda,” she waves a hand, “fell into place.” 

Peter looks shell-shocked, Michelle pushing forward, “And then with everything else, you know after…” Peter’s eyes meet hers again, understanding locking into place when she says, “It made a lot of sense.”

She waits as he absorbs this information, hoping now that the fact that she knew wasn’t going to completely change their friendship in a bad way - especially since she had been the one to essentially force him into telling her by encouraging him to go.

Michelle almost regrets it, chewing the inside of her cheek and debating whether she should apologize only for Peter to say, “You never told anyone.”

His voice is quiet, low - glancing up at her with an unreadable expression of his face.

She instantly feels bad, her tone matching his as she replies, “It wasn’t my secret to tell. And if you wanted me to know, you would’ve told me.”

Peter winces at that. “It’s not-- I mean--”

“You don’t have to explain,” Michelle interrupts, hoping he’ll understand. “It’s not like we’ve really been close since high school and even then, we weren’t really friends.”

Peter seems to take that in, Michelle hoping she wasn’t failing miserably with this. She could still remember what it was like to overhear Peter and Ned go back and forth - whispering so loudly it was little wonder that _everyone_ hadn’t found out the truth about Peter.

They weren’t friends back then but they were friends now - Michelle remembering how close they’d gotten on the rooftop not even thirty minutes before.

In a perfect world, Michelle thinks Peter would’ve eventually told her - even if a small voice in the back of her head says that wouldn’t be true. 

Of all she knew of Peter, he was wildly protective - remembering how that awkward dinner at May’s had been and the guilt that had passed over his face when the guy in the cab had dismissed the Avengers.

Peter Parker had taken on the burden of a double life and unlike the rest of them, seemed committed to keeping it that way - something Michelle admired immensely. 

She hopes that she’ll still be given the chance to communicate that when Peter sighs, messing with the mask in his hand before saying, “Thank you.”

Michelle furrows her eyebrows, not quite understanding what he’s thanking her for when he clarifies, “For not telling anyone.”

“Peter—“

“I mean it, MJ. Thank you.” He says, Michelle staring at him for a beat before accepting it - taking that as a sign that he didn’t take offense to her inadvertently outing his secret as she replies, “Yeah, of course.”

A comfortable silence falls between them until he grins, prompting Michelle to say, “What?”

Peter laughs, shaking his head. “I was just thinking, I don’t think there’s anyone in my life that I’ve ever actually told about Spider-Man.”

“What do you mean?” She asks, barely holding back the flood of questions she has. 

“Well Ned found out cause I crawled into my room one night and he was just there waiting for me.” Peter laughs at the memory, a familiar sadness passing over his face as he continues, “And May, she uh-- she found out when I wore my suit in my room.”

“Damn Peter,” Michelle says teasingly, “I’m surprised that you’ve kept it a secret from _anyone_.” 

Peter laughs again, twisting the mask again in his hands as he says, “Yeah uh, Tony used to say the same thing.”

She tilts her head, registering the shift in body language as she gently asks, “How did he find out?”

“You know, I don’t actually know,” Peter says, looking back to her. “I don’t think I ever asked. He just-- he saw the footage of me being Spider-Man and asked me to go to Germany with him one day.”

“Germany?” Michelle asks, Peter shrugging as he says, “It’s a long story.”

Michelle shrugs, leaning her head in her hands - Peter searching her face as she smiles and says, “I got time.” 

* * *

“Whoa, whoa, back it up,” Michelle says, hearing Peter snicker as he leans back on the couch - showered and dressed in some kind of sweatpants, “How did you get back home without May knowing?”

He shrugs, Michelle still reeling from Peter’s perspective of what happened from their sophomore year homecoming, “Very creatively.”

“Peter, you took down a _plane._ That’s…” Michelle trails off, tapping her fingers against the coffee cup in her hand. Peter’s expression shifts slightly as she shakes her head, “that’s fucking _wild_.”

“Yeah I know it’s— it’s a lot,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. He looks nervous all of a sudden, Michelle leaning forward as she says, “It’s a lot but in a good way? I don’t know how you did it by yourself all these years.”

Peter smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I wasn’t, not really. I mean, homecoming aside… Tony was there a lot more afterwards.”

Peter’s hands lightly tap against his thigh, Michelle feeling the conflict emanating off of him. 

She knew enough from the news and press conferences of what had happened in space - as well as anyone did.

Big alien named Thanos with a god-complex snapped his fingers in Wakanda, using some kind of magical gauntlet that gave him the power to wipe out half of life itself.

It was… a _lot_ , to put it mildly for Michelle to wrap her head around - less because she couldn’t understand it but more for how deeply insignificant it made her feel, especially sitting next to Peter and how nonchalant he was being.

She didn’t have any grand powers nor did she really want them - not necessarily feeling jealous but feeling wholly incapable of being able to help him the way that he clearly needed, Michelle feeling as if she could _see_ the burden he had on his shoulders. 

A burden that she’d seen him carry for years during high school and had only multiplied in the months she’d gotten to talk to him once again. 

She knew that Peter was still in touch with the Avengers who were still around, but it wasn’t the same - something Michelle could literally see in his eyes anytime he talked about his work at SI. 

Michelle didn’t actually care about the Avengers and she could guess from how cagey Peter would get when he mentioned Tony Stark that it wasn’t just grief that kept Peter from talking about him.

She’d never been quiet about her displeasure for billionaires back in high school and if Peter kept up with her social media in the intervening years, had likely seen the various protests she’d attended throughout college.

Yet she knew as well as anyone that while Tony Stark as a concept may have been a lot to stomach, Tony Stark the _person_ may not have been as bad as his press said he was - especially if Peter liked him as much as he did.

“Anyway,” Peter says, cutting through the silence once more, “it was a long time ago. I don’t wanna bore you with—“

“It’s not boring,” Michelle says quickly, catching Peter’s surprise, “it’s really not. You have no idea how badly I wanted to talk about this back then.”

Michelle realizes her fuck up as soon as it flies out of her mouth, catching Peter’s grin as he says, “Wait really?”

“Shut up, nerd. It was for science, you’re a freak show and I was curious,” she quips, Peter laughing like he doesn’t believe her - Michelle not really believing herself either.

He holds her gaze for a bit, that same familiar feeling that had settled between them in the past few weeks flaring up again - feelings she doesn’t trust herself to have.

The world had ended not even eight months before or at least it felt like it, the stress of figuring out how to even live and work in the wake of unimaginable tragedy being more than enough to handle - much less in the line of work she did.

In another life, Michelle would be studying for the bar and applying for jobs - stressing about her upcoming graduation and the clerkships she had originally planned to look for.

Now the state bar was a joke - trying to resume kind of normalcy in passing an exam when the law literally felt like it was changing with each new case that arrived.

There was no sense in organizing things based on tradition when half the things Michelle could’ve picked from her bar exam test book didn’t even exist anymore.

Romance of any kind, dating - even with her freakishly super powered old high school crush - wasn’t on Michelle’s radar any much than it seemed to be on Peter’s, something shifting in his expression before he turned away.

Michelle doesn’t want him to shut down, change the subject as he always does but doesn’t feel comfortable flirting with him - keenly aware that both of them are feeling a little too vulnerable when she asks, “Did everything go okay tonight?”

Peter blinks a few times before nodding his head, “Yeah, yeah it was fine. Not— not a big deal.”

“Sorry for pushing you,” Michelle says belatedly, Peter’s eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“You didn’t push me—“

“I did, and I shouldn’t have,” Michelle says, biting her lip as she looks away, “I _do_ want to know everything but I uh, I didn’t mean to force you into it you know?”

She glances back over to him, Peter having the decency not to argue with her when he knows what she’s saying is at least partly true.

He sighs, rubbing his palms over his sweatpants before saying, “I’m glad you did. I…”

Peter’s eyes flit away before he says, “I can bench press a car. I can climb up the side of a wall. Fight twenty guys to a standstill. Swing across chasms thirty stories deep… Feel a bullet coming my way and move fast enough to get clear.”

Michelle waits, hoping her face stays neutral even if what Peter is saying is blowing her mind - a million questions off the tip of her tongue as he turns towards her.

“I don’t want to freak you out but sometimes, sometimes it all freaks _me_ out a little too,” Peter finally says, his voice low - Michelle getting the sense that this wasn’t something that he admitted often to people, if at all.

A flood of memories flow through her just then - thinking of how Peter had looked all throughout their high school years, burdened with something that never should have been his. 

Michelle couldn’t lie, it _did_ freak her out - but then so did everything, the whole universe being thrown into chaos with a snap of an alien’s fingers.

Instead of trying to convince him of something that she knew was blatantly untrue, Michelle just shrugs and says, “It’s okay to be freaked out. Whole world is kinda fucked when you think about it.”

That has the intended effect, Peter laughing as the tension in his shoulders loosens slightly - Michelle smiling at him as his phone buzzes. Peter’s eyes widen, rubbing a hand across his face as he says, “Shit, it’s past midnight.”

“Oh sorry, I didn’t--” Michelle says, going to shift off the couch only for Peter to put a hand up. 

“No, not-- I’m not kicking you out. I had um, I had a call with someone.”

“Oh,” Michelle says, getting the sense that there was more to it than Peter was letting on as he shakes his head.

“I’ll call them tomorrow. I uh, I know it’s late so I can swing you home if--”

Michelle shakes her head furiously, “Nope. No. I’m not flying myself across Queens being held by an idiot in spandex.”

“Don’t you _trust_ that idiot in spandex?” Peter asks with a smirk, Michelle playfully rolling her eyes as she says, “Trust has nothing to do with it. I get motion sickness.”

Peter makes a face, Michelle smirking at him as he says, “Okay, yeah. Bad idea.”

Michelle grabs her coffee cup, only for Peter to say, “You could stay the night here, if you want.”

She freezes, looking at Peter with a measured glance, seeing the way his cheeks flush as he says, “I mean, just cause it’s late. I can take the couch if--”

“No, I-- I don’t mind. I’ve slept in weirder places before.”

Peter looks uncomfortable with that, going to argue when Michelle says, “You literally just confessed that you can bench press a _car_ , Pete. For the sake of back pain, _please_ sleep in your own bed.”

He laughs, searching her face before nodding - rightfully guessing that this was an argument that he wouldn’t win as he says, “Okay, okay. I mean it’s like you said.”

Michelle waits, raising an eyebrow as Peter grins, “You’re always right.”

“Damn right I am,” Michelle says, smiling back at him before Peter rubs his hands across his knees. 

“Alright well, I’m gonna uh, get some blankets. I got a spare toothbrush I think? Maybe? I don’t--”

“I’ll be fine if you don’t. Not made of glass you know,” Michelle says jokingly, Peter smiling at her with a look she can’t describe as he says, “Yeah, I know.”

He stands, Michelle watching him as he says, “You’re tough as nails, MJ.”

“And don’t you forget it,” she lobs back, Peter smiling at her with a softer expression on his face before he turns - walking towards his bedroom.

As soon as he leaves, Michelle’s shoulders sag - finally allowing herself to absorb everything that she’d learned tonight.

She still had so many questions about everything - what it was like to work at SI, how the hell Peter was balancing everything, what exactly happened in space - but it’s all questions that she saves for later, if ever… getting the sense that Peter wasn’t exactly in the right place to share.

Michelle could understand that, she’d spent a lifetime pushing people away - knowing it was easier to never be disappointed with people if you had no expectations for them.

Peter clearly had the highest expectations for himself, a sense of perfectionism that Michelle knows no one person or conversation would ever be able to break down. But now - knowing what she knew, the _truth_ of that settling between them - Michelle made a silent promise. 

She couldn’t save the universe, couldn’t even do a tenth of what Peter did - feeling sometimes like her work at the shelters barely made a dent in the mountain of work that piled in when it came to custody cases.

But she could do this, be there for Peter like May had been there for her when they were in high school - never forgetting the time she drove her back home after their sophomore trip to Washington.

It was the smallest act of kindness that spoke volumes to teenage Michelle, a kindness that all these years later - Michelle could only hope that looking out for Peter could be a way of paying that back and yet also forward, knowing that Peter would impact more lives than she ever could. 

Michelle had never been interested in serving as the emotional support for anyone - much less a man. Yet as Peter walked in with an armful of blankets, exhaustion and something that almost resembled relief on his face - Michelle realized that Peter wouldn’t necessarily be the exception.

This is what friends did, after all. Something that Michelle needed just as much as Peter did.

She smiles, Peter walking towards her with a smile on his face.

Maybe, Michelle thinks, they could look out for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what’s the hardest thing about this? I could literally rewrite yhim entirely from MJ’s POV. It is taking all my self-control not to.
> 
> Still upped the chapter count because of who I am as a person.


End file.
